Hey all,
Today I did an in-class presentation (an "explication de texte") on a sonnet. I had worked on it all weekend, trying to probe the tenses and syntax for a deeper meaning, but only ended up with the feeling that I was merely scratching the surface. I didn't end up finding any larger uniting theme to the sonnet, and thus didn't work together a clean-cut outline - this made it hard to speak confidently and deliberately in conveying my thoughts, and I ultimately delivered a mediocre presentation.
The teacher applauded my effort and congratulated me for having done a presentation in a second language. In front of the class. And though it felt good to receive that praise, as well as that of a few charitable classmates, I felt more embarrassed than proud. I felt a bit like I was being patronized, a vocabulary word I have yet to learn in French.
I think I'm just a bit rattled - as a foreign student here in Bordeaux, expectations are exceedingly low considering I have been studying French for ten (10) years now. (The professor asked me how long I had been studying the language, and I replied "too long") As a student in general, my expectations for myself tend to be exceedingly high.
I suppose the best way for me to gauge my performance is to keep things introspective. Did I work hard to prepare my work? How did I feel as I was giving the presentation? How do I feel having done it?
Ultimately, this whole thing boils down to the problem of me knowing myself; something that I have definitely been struggling with for a long time, and which has played an enormous role in my trip so far.
Am currently indulging in English reading - I'm tearing through it! I feel so naughty, but it's really great fun to have stumbled upon this book in the campus library.
On Friday I leave for Morocco, where I will be spending five days of vacation with some friends. On the way back, I'll be spending three days in Madrid, hopefully visiting my friend Victor! Now that I have this presentation out of the way I can look forward to my first trip to the African continent! Of course, I'll have to dive into deeper Africa if I truly want to do it justice, but at the moment, Morocco is looking pretty darn epic.
Bisous,
Ben
1 comment:
first of all, i just posted about wishing to go to morocco, you lucky duck!
secondly, being fluent enough in any language to discuss poetry, literature, politics is a whole new level of fluency, nuance, consciousness. sometimes i can't even do it in english. kudos to you.
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