FINAL POST FOR 2008

Hey all,

So here I am, back in Albany, CA for the holidays! For me, that means Christmas and New Year's! I was certainly reticent to leave Bordeaux; a fine city in a country that I have grown quite close to; but coming home felt nice.

It has taken four years of college to understand this, but coming home entails a certain degree of introspection: an excuse that I never need, but of which I take advantage nonetheless! I feared coming home might be a bad experience: I might run into someone from high school I wasn't so friendly with, I might have tensions within the family, I might simply be unhappy and not know why. Though all these fears were grounded in ever-available experience, I have seen just how important it is to know oneself in times like these. I ran into some estranged friends from elementary school in the grocery store today, and though we didn't catch up a whole lot, I realized that my feeling confident enough to go up and say hi to the two of them relied heavily on how I felt about myself. What am I doing with my life right now? Why am I doing it? These are two questions, among others, that I feel like I have a pretty solid answer for: I'm proud that I'm pursuing my education in French, and can't see myself being happy doing anything else!

Leaving Bordeaux was sad, as I saw most of the friends I had made there for the last time in a while; we really don't know when we'll see each other next! With them scattered across California, finishing up degrees and working hard, and me staying in France for who knows how long, a reunion in the next year is not promised in the least. This was sad for me; I struggle when I see people close to me leaving. But saying goodbye was a breath of fresh air in some respects: I don't always remind myself enough that the moment is all we have, and that making the most of the here and now is the most important thing, and ultimately the best thing, anyone could do for themselves. So I say goodbye without regrets, knowing that every hello inevitably precedes a goodbye, but also that every sad goodbye prompts the birth of an ever more joyful hello. I believe not in farewells: blame it on my youth. ('yout' as Mary Gaddis says)

Right now I'm focusing on enjoying my stay here; a rare (and steep!) séjour meant to be savored.

In more banal news, it's cold out here! I thought it would be at least 40 degrees; it's been 29 and 30!!! Crazy! Also, I went cheese shopping yesterday and asked for sheep cheese, something I had been introduced to in Bordeaux. They call it 'brebis', the sharper aged version of which is called 'brebis fermier'. I tasted two and picked the latter - it was dryer and had a grainy texture that I adore. Once I had paid and was getting ready to leave, the cheese seller told me it was an aged cheese from the Pyrenees - I just laughed. Of course my tongue recognizes the taste from two days ago!

I went to Long's to do some basic shopping on Sunday, and found myself stumbling through the aisles, dumbfounded. "Why is everyone speaking English???" I asked my mother, though the answer was plain to see. My consciousness had yet to catch up with reason, I suppose.

I tried my hand at making pie crust for quiche last night, and gave up once I realized that a quiche lorrainne calls for eggs, cream, and ham. So, fearing a massive coronary, I opted for a lighter (but not by much) dinner of fajitas and decided to put the quiche off until Christmas dinner. Will be sure to let you all know how that goes! If any of you have tips, they would be greatly appreciated.

Best wishes to each one of you for the holidays, and I look forward to seeing plenty of comments in the year to come!

Ben