Hey all,
Today was the last section for one of my classes at the university. It's a three-hour long course made up of about eight or nine students. As usual, I talk a lot more than I should, and as usual, everyone else stays relatively silent. Even the boy genius, who has an unbelievable knowledge of literary terms, especially when it comes down to the names of specific poetic techniques.
Today it was especially silent, and I was a bit clumsier than usual. Two and a half hours into the course, after many unanswered questions and awkward silences, the teacher stood up and started putting away her things. Indignant, she said she didn't have the energy to teach a course all by herself, especially if only one person was going to speak up. There was a certain chill in her voice that added a layer of ice to the already glacial room.
Unmoving, I sat with my books and notes spread out in front of me, speechless. I refused to accept what had just happened; never have I seen such a drastic action taken with that degree of tempered composition.
What surprised me, however, was not her resignation; when I had recovered to the point that I was able to look around me, I noticed that the French students around me were calmly putting their things away. A sense of defeat hung heavy on the room, yet I was the only one sensitive to it. Some of them seemed to be talking about their weekends as they stood up and filed out of the room. I felt an unbearable shame; the teacher hadn't abandoned the students: they had abandoned her.
I stayed at my seat long after the professor left, waiting for a student to make some kind of protest, some plea to cling on to the remaining half hour. Something inside me wanted to jump out and implore the students to have some dignity, to put up some semblance of a struggle, but I found myself wide-eyed and voiceless, a little boy in a big country. I eventually left, consumed by the shame of not having taken a stand. This entry is my repentance.
I remain stupefied by what I witnessed today. I look forward to whatever insight you all have to offer.
Ben
4 comments:
ben,
my guess? the prof was frustrated, (most likely all semestre) couldn't figure out what to do with this over-all non-responsive class... and walking away a resolution.
peut-être...
yes, I would say she was justified. I nonetheless have trouble accepting being given up on... Will keep working hard to make sure I'm not the reason things like this happen!
you know, it doesn't sound like it's your fault at all. and possibly not even the other students' fault. not sure. but a few things strike me right away:
1. a frustrated professor wanted to make a final point
2. the professor still has a lot to learn about motivating students who may learn via a wide range of teaching methods--esp in a three hour course.
3. you deserved better. she had one student, at least, who was verbally engaged. she owed it to you to finish until the very end.
4. possibly some cultural thing i am missing.
you may never know for certain what happened, but it sounds like you did your best and probably helped keep the class going for as long as it did!
update: saw the professor as I was leaving office hours today, and she spoke to me kindly and with a certain degree of affection. It's totally not my fault! Also, this has happened at UCSC where a teacher just lost it - it happens! What shocked me was the reaction of the students!!!
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